So I ordered a phone…

So one of the alleged joys of being a Phone Sex Operator (PSO) is that the start-up costs are low: all you need is a landline and a corded phone (lest your battery run out mid-call on your cordless). I have a landline (a result of one of those mysterious internet bundles that sells you more for less), but up until three days ago I did not own a phone with which to use it. So I ordered one on Amazon. I don’t know why I didn’t just walk to my nearest Target or electronics store to pick one out, but I can only theorize that being unemployed makes you especially lazy. I have all the time in the world, and yet waiting up to eight days for standard shipping seems more efficient than taking a ten minute walk. Of course I rationalized that I ordered my phone on the internet so I could “read the reviews”. Sure, online reviews are useful for things like televisions, clothing, vacations, movies, books, and maybe even some phones, but I’m pretty sure they have been making basic, corded phones since before the time of Jesus, so any kinks in sorting out how to make, receive, and end calls  will have long been sorted out. That being said, laziness won out, and I ordered one of the first phones I saw within my $10-20 budget that had decent ratings.

Fast forward three days latre to when my phone arrives. Oh dear god. I’ve heard that a small proportion of PSOs “dress the part” while on duty, donning sexy lingerie and heels, in order to better get into character. I doubt I’ll ever bother with that, but I also wasn’t planning on going out of my way to be as unsexy as possible, which is the direction that this phone is taking me in. For starters, it’s a chunky piece of cheap white plastic, and unlike the wonderful depiction of it shown below, it’s one of those phones with the numbers on the underside of headpiece. Which brings me to the best part: the keypad is HUGE. Each button is the size of my face, and the font is such that a legally blind person could determine the 2 from the 3 a mile away. And then there is the BOOST button. You know, in case you are hard of hearing and need an extra ‘boost’ in volume, you can hit that handy dandy button and voila, volume amplification.

Ladies and gentlemen, I ordered a phone for senior citizens. A phone that I am planning to use for the sole purpose of phone sex.

Next Step: Picking an name and getting hired.

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Last note! This blog now has AN ILLUSTRATOR! She is amazing! Here is her Tumbler: Matea Radic

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